An Open Letter to My Body

A New Year is coming around soon and with it, the inevitability of all those promises by women everywhere to get "healthier".  I used to make those promises, too.  I was a total liar.

What I really meant to say was I want to be skinnier. I want to be thinner and therefore, in my once warped brain, prettier. More appealing to...somebody?

What I really meant was, "I promise to become completely obsessed with my body and sometimes starve so I can look like what society tells me a "real" woman should look like to be accepted and beautiful".  What's really sad is I've never worn anything larger than a 12 in my life and I am currently in a size 8-10 and that's been my average size other than the four times I've given birth! 

P.S.  If you're truly not the size you want to be, stop berating yourself to death and be honest with yourself and your health.  You do not have to be a size 8 to be beautiful!!! Find your healthy life and LIVE it, but stop obsessing and being mean to yourself.  Stop being mean to yourself!!

So, I thought I'd write a letter for 2015 to remind myself that I love the body I've been given and I'm thankful for it, because it's time we stop with the self hate and loathing, right?

Dear Body,

I'm sorry for all the mean things I've said to you through the years.  I'm really sorry I called you fat. I'm even sorrier that you believed me a little bit.  Mean things have a way of sticking to us, don't they?  

I'm sorry that I starved you sometimes.  I'm sorry that I gorged you other times and made you feel like crap.  Thanks for not giving up on me even when I gave up on you every once in a while. 

Thanks for having legs that work and run and walk and do all the things they should do. Thanks for hands that can hold my children and comb their hair and hold books and write stories.  Thanks for arms that wrap around the people I love and squeeze.

Thanks for having five senses that work properly and allow me to see, hear and appreciate all the beauty of the world around me, including the image in the mirror that for so long I avoided.  

Thank you for carrying four of the most awesome human beings I've ever met and keeping them safe and healthy and whole.  Thank you for the stretch marks that remind me they were there. They're like medals of honor, aren't they?  

Thank you for not aching too much even though we've made it through almost 44 years together. I appreciate that you only creak a little and that you still do all the things you're supposed to do.  The older I get, the more I realize how truly blessed I am that all my parts still do their thing.  You rock!

Thanks for being patient with me when I abused you because I wasn't satisfied with all you are.  I'm sorry for that.  It won't happen again. 

Thank you for being patient with my brain when it was sick and didn't appreciate you the way that it should have.  I was doing the best that I knew how at the time. 

I'm thankful for you and I see now that being made in the image of God is a powerful, beautiful honor.  I promise to do my very best to take care of you without obsessing over you.  

I promise to never start a New Year with promises that include berating you because I didn't take responsibility for you. I promise that each New Year will include being healthy on the inside because those always seep through to you, my outside. 

I promise to look in the mirror and tell you that you're beautiful and fierce and competent and awesome, because you are.

Love, 
Me