Tuesday, March 27, 2018

For Dakota Which Turned into Being For Me

Today we're celebrating our youngest son's 19th birthday.

 My baby boy is 19 and I am a little mad about it. The years just go by so dang fast while the days get pokey and sometimes long and seem to drag by and so we miss more than we'd hoped.

How did this kid, who decided when I was 8 months pregnant it'd be super cool to show up a month early and break my water at 2am so his Dad would ask me if I'm absolutely certain I didn't just pee in the bed, suddenly, but also painfully slowly and beautifully minute by minute, become an almost not teenager?!

But, here we are.

Here I am and there are so many memories. 

I remember being pregnant with him and David's complete fascination with all that moving going on in his wife's belly.

I remember the minute he took his first breath. Literally, the second he took his first breath.

I remember he had SO MUCH HAIR. That hasn't changed.

I remember his Daddy's very first words as he laid eyes on his son for the 1st time:  "Oh my God. He looks exactly like me!" This was said as I am literally laid out on the operating table having the C-section and Dakota was still blue and cheesy hanging upside down in Dr. Davis' hands. And yes, he looks exactly like his Daddy, minus the blue and cheese.

I remember his first car ride. I remember his first outfit because I totally saved it. I remember his first favorite food and how he ate those PB & J's every single lunch for almost 5 straight years.

I remember his first words and his first steps and every single first of Dakota's life.

I also meticulously wrote them down in his baby book because he was only baby number 2 and those things were just so precious to do! I also had time to do them, which disappears after baby number 3 and I think we have like 9 pictures of baby number 4's first 3 years. Maybe. Anyway...

And so today, I'm reflecting on this spectacular kid who is now not really a kid, but a young man. I'm reflecting on how precious I'd intended to be as a Mom and ALL. THE. PLANS.

Plans that mostly didn't pan out but we had SO many art supplies in case I did morph into crafty Mom.

Turns out, this kid didn't need me to be crafty (Jesus is good, yall!). He could just draw everything!!! He could sketch actual things and I could tell what they were by the time he was 2 years old. He loved colors and shapes and pretty much anything that was artsy, just like his Dad. I enjoyed the final results, though, and that totally counts whether I participated or not.

My refrigerator was a plethora of pictures and shapes and abstracts and any kind of art that could be created.

We were going to eat all organic and maybe even never have meat but this kid really loves chicken nuggets, so what was pretend organic Mom to do with all those organic PLANS?  I fed that kid chicken nuggets and chocolate milk like I'd never heard of organic and didn't look back.

We even ate cheese out of a can and loved it. Judge away. That crap is good.

So many plans. Whatever.

I was also never, ever going to scream like crazy Mom and only watch documentaries. Again, whatever.

It turns out that the plan was all bogus nonsense. I will begrudgingly admit that the canned cheese is probably a less good choice than say...straight up spoonfuls of sugar, but it was still good.

It turns out that this kid was great, even with my screw ups. This boy of mine who loves art and comedy and drama and will discuss the National Enquirer like it is an actual publication of facts and have me in laughter tears turned out so great and so yummy I can't help but wonder if he didn't teach me as much I've ever taught him.

This man boy of mine who scared the fun right out of me sometimes because I so desperately wanted to do it all "right",  is able to see past that and hear my heart to stand against injustices in the world and love people more than we love ideas.

This young man who doesn't mince words, but has a kindness in him that shines so brightly he often takes my breath away.

He rarely leaves the house without first hugging me and telling me he loves me.

This young man of mine who sets his very own alarm for work on Saturdays without a single nudge from me! This cannot be underrated people.

This boy man who saves his money and discusses finances with his parents because he has his own plans. This financially savvy young man of mine who diligently oversees his checking and savings accounts because he knows it matters.

I know God has a different plan than any we could imagine for our kids. I know God will take our current plans and move them like gnats to get us where we need to be and yet...looking at this man child of mine who has surpassed every single plan I didn't even know I wanted fills me with both peace and, maybe, a bit of longing.

Longing for a time when he was safely tucked into my arms.

And still...that isn't God's plan. God intends my boy to stand on his own one day. He means for my boy to grow into a man. The kind of man who hears His voice and heeds the call.

I know the call for you is something precious, Dakota. You know it's now in your hands and I want you to know that I trust you. You are so trustworthy and your heart is so good and even with the teeny bit of longing I have for when you were little, I am so at peace watching you run your own life. Man, you are good at it! 

And I could not be prouder. You are so dang good at adulting already that I can't even stand it.

One reminder, son:  We're here. We're never more than a phone call or a word away. Your Dad and I have your back and you are one of our greatest treasures. You're so deeply loved and cherished and we are in awe of just how cool you actually are. :)

We love you, son.

We admire you and we are over here on the sidelines cheering you on, believing a life of adventure and courage and integrity for you.

I'll be the loudest one on the sidelines in the "Dakota's Mom" t-shirt and I will happily make you chicken and dumplings or homemade chili for the rest of your life. I'm just saying...

Forever and Always and Beyond,
Mom



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